Dear fellow writers,
I have pondered this what you might call “mystery” of love for quite some time now. I know, why write about this at all since I don’t think many of us understand what love is exactly and we all have different views of it. I don’t believe that one definition is absolutely correct, but I wanted to share my perspective of what it means.
First of all, we need to look at what others have defined as love. The first definition comes from, as Lizzy calls Him, our Master, from His Apostle Paul:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. - Corinthians 13:4-7
This definition is the one that lies closest to my heart. It sums up love beautifully and completely. I always analyzed love in relationships, especially in different types. Most of us seem to think of love as romantic-happiness, hugs, kisses, marriage, and children-but even in this kind, it is not just these things. Romantic love is much more than this, much deeper.
There are also many other kinds, a few of which I will explore today, and then explain my interpretation of love as a whole.
Romantic
This is the most familiar kind when we think of the word love. Romantic love is a deep connection between two people who become one through marriage.
…and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. - Mark 10:8-9
When two people fall in love, they want to be together all the time, leading to marriage and a lifetime together. Usually, they do not realize it at first, but this will require effort, like a plant takes care and nurturing to grow, so will this love. It starts as something precious and fragile, a seedling just sprouting, and then blooms into something beautiful. This only happens if it is carefully watched and cared for. Love is a living thing; it flourishes based on how much care you give it. This brings me to the paradox “loving love”, meaning you have to literally love the love you are cultivating.
Disputes or disagreement are usually forgotten when two people are in love. But just because there is a bump in the road, does not mean one should give up; this actually makes it stronger. Overcoming conflicts helps trust build in the relationship better than if there was no disagreement at all. It takes compromise, sacrifice, and a promise of eternity for it to last. When two souls make the commitment, they become each other’s forever; they become one.
My favorite and most evident example of romantic love is Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice. Their relationship begins with arrogance and judgement from both sides. Mr. Darcy, at a dance, makes demeaning comments about Elizabeth, stating she is “not handsome enough to tempt him” which she hears. When he starts to fall for her she refuses him, protecting her own pride. This is what I loved most about their journey; it had its conflicts in the beginning, proving it would survive a lifetime. Mr. Darcy is forced to confront his arrogance when Elizabeth refuses his marriage proposal and she, her pride, when she realizes she loves him despite his remarks.
It is alluring the way the both change to make the other happy, proving that overcoming the flaws builds a stronger trusting relationship. It also leads back to my plant metaphor; they grew and nurtured their love from a small seed to that of a beautiful tree or flower.
Platonic
The next most popular type of love is platonic: the love between friends without the desire for romance. This kind is almost underrated and downtrodden as the romantic trope seems to override it every time. It has the same qualities of a romantic love minus the romance. It still needs care, time, and includes facing challenges together. My favorite quote for platonic love is:
I’m with you ‘til the end of the line. -Steve Rogers
Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes’ friendship is my favorite example of platonic love. Before I dive deeper into this friendship, I want to explore the aspects of it.
What attracts a person to their friends? Why am I friends with this person? How did we become friends? All of these are questions we might ask when we think of our best friend or friends. They could be your childhood best friend or someone you met just last year, but what makes them your friend is your shared likes, experiences, secrets, and the empathy you have shown for each other over time.
Circling back to the romantic love where I mentioned conflicts, one does not so easily leave their best friend because of an argument or a different view. Friends work it out, discuss what went wrong and how they can get past it. This is sometimes where platonic love outshines romantic: friends seem to work out their disagreements much faster, but betrayal hurts more when it comes from a friend rather than a significant other.
These are not my main examples but they prove how strong platonic love is. When Ron decided to leave in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, this seemed to hurt Harry more than Cho betraying him. Another example is Sam leaving the Shire to go with Frodo to get the ring all the way to Mordor even though he was leaving Rosie. Ron and Sam act as Harry and Frodo’s moral compasses, preventing them from succumbing to the darkness that always seemed to surround them. Such strong loyalty is what defines every relationship which brings me to my favorite one: Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes.
Steve and Bucky were childhood best friends, doing everything together while also looking out for each other. Bucky is always there when Steve gets himself into scrapes and when Steve becomes Captain America, he does the same. They stick together through everything: Bucky supports Steve when he loses his parents, offering even just a comforting presence. Steve is determined to join the fight when Bucky is enlisted overseas and does not give up when he is informed that the 107th was captured and most likely killed. He rescues Bucky, and in return, Bucky goes back with him to finish what they started, resulting in his “death.”
In the Winter Soldier, Steve refuses to harm Bucky, knowing his best friend is still there despite what Hydra turned him into. Steve chooses to see Bucky as a person rather than the weapon he was forced to become. Steve, instead of arguing with him, tells him, “I’m with you ‘til the end of the line”, which finally transforms Bucky from a killing machine back to his best friend. What I find so amazing about this is that despite 70 years of brainwashing, Steve was able to find his friend and bring him back. This proves how deep their bond was, fueled by loyalty and trust, always able to reach each other, even in the darkest of places.
The Sibling Bond
One of the most overlooked treasures is the sibling bond or sibling love. Since most of us fight with our siblings and usually don’t want to be around them, this is usually pushed aside and even frowned upon at times. I have had people judge me and my sister for being too close. But why? Hasn’t this person been through everything you have gone through? Haven’t they almost been forced to be there through thick and thin?
Of course the most obvious example of a great sibling love is Sam and Dean. One of my favorite quotes, of course from Sam, is:
You’re my big brother. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. - Sam Winchester
This one hits the closest to home for me as it’s honestly the only one I have. And truly there is nothing I wouldn’t do for my sister. Sam and Dean’s bond, starting with the shared trauma about their mother and then being stuck with their father, growing up on the road, is a perfect example of selflessness and devotion. No matter what they face, they always end up realizing they need each other and no one else. Yes, they have other people in their life-Bobby, Castiel, and before he died, their dad-but no one understands what they’ve been through except the other. Knowing a certain tone or look from a parent, or a specific memory that shouldn’t be brought up, is something you can only have with a sibling since they were there.
Their love, despite their arguments is unshakeable as they cannot live without each other and would do anything to be together, including making deals with demons. Even though I can’t exactly make deals with demons, there is an instinct to protect my sister at any cost. They deal with each other’s mistakes, secrets, and even just the presence of each other. This proves love does not need to be romantic to be great or strong.
The Steady Presence
This is not exactly a kind of love but to some extent it is; I think this love is quite amazing so I thought I would mention it here. It can be platonic, romantic, or a sibling bond. It is what I like to think of as a quiet love. It is that constant reminder, that persevering presence, that calm force that defines it. It is defined by quiet acts and thoughtful attention rather than dramatic gestures of grandeur. It is remarkable in a way that is hard to describe since it is defined as unremarkable.
My experience or thoughts on this love are that no matter what, that person is there. If you need someone, they are there to be with you. If you make a mistake, they are there to help you. If you have a problem, they are there to listen. If you hurt them, they are there to understand you. If you betray them, they are still there to forgive you. I strive to be this person for my sister; just be there.
It’s almost maddening to think about; that constant presence always pulling you back, keeping you on track, and you still find a way to hurt it or try to get away. That person would do nothing to hurt you, even while you do everything to hurt them, and yet, they are still there.
I’m not sure why the relationship that made me think about this love was Thor and Loki. This quote from Thor really sums up their relationship and how it is defined by this love:
Loki, I thought the world of you. I thought we were gonna fight side by side forever. - Thor
Thor’s undying love and trust for his brother, despite Loki’s many betrayals and tricks, is a perfect example of this steady presence. Loki ruins Thor’s coronation day, lies to him about Odin’s death, and then tries to keep him out of Asgard out of jealously and wanting attention. Yet, Thor forgives him, tries to reason with him, saves him, and mourns for him after he falls. Loki then decides to invade earth (yes, I know he was under the influence of Thanos) for a throne he thinks himself deserving of, resulting in Thor taking him back to Asgard only to be put in prison. Thor still tried to reason with him before this, reminding him of their history together.
After their mother dies, Thor decides to trust Loki again, breaking him out of prison, so he can redeem himself and avenge their mother. Even though this may seem like a dramatic gesture of love, it’s not the breaking out of prison that I want to emphasize; it’s the trust he grants Loki to help him. After Loki “sacrifices” himself for Thor, Thor mourns him again, and misses him until they are reunited in Ragnarök.
This movie highlighted Thor’s quiet love for Loki as he still hoped he would make the right decisions and redeem himself. But he also learned to accept that they were different and that it would be best if they went their separate ways. He watches as Loki finally stops resisting his love, helping him defeat Hela and staying with him until the end. Loki acknowledges he has seen all of Thor’s efforts by endangering himself to save Thor from Thanos, leading to his death.
Their relationship is very rocky and there were plenty of times Thor could have and should have given up on Loki, but he chose not to. He chose to love him and trust that he would do the same one day.
My Interpretation of Love
Now that we have gone over a few different kinds of love I want to give you my interpretation or definition of love in general that covers all of these.
Love is constant, enduring. Love isn’t always easy. Love is being there even when it gets hard. Love never gives up. Love is choosing someone over everything else. Love is choosing someone over yourself. Love is choosing someone in everything.
This definition applies to all types: romantic, platonic, sibling bond, and even the steady presence. To love someone, as I said, is choosing them in everything. If you are going to make a decision, think about what they would want. What would make them happy? What would please them? Even when it’s hard for you. Love isn’t always easy, but this is what makes it last.
Thank you for reading! Tell me your thoughts and views on love in the comments! Would love to read them! Once again there is no one true definition of love; these are just my observations from personal experiences.
-Mena the Writer
This was so deep, thoughtful, and sweet! I loved the examples, and you know I was looking forward to seeing this in writing from you. Cuz you always tried to tell me what you think about it and you've asked me as well. You know I'll do the same for you too 😊 just like Dean wound do for Sam and just like Thor would do for Loki.
The steady presence section is where this piece finds its most original voice. It doesn't get discussed enough because it lacks the drama of romantic love and the cultural celebration of friendship, but it might be the most demanding form of love there is. To remain constant for someone who keeps finding ways to test that constancy.
To choose them again not in a grand moment but in the ordinary unremarkable ones that nobody witnesses or applauds.
Thor and Loki is exactly the right example. The love isn't in the dramatic rescues. It's in the trusting again after every reason not to.